Talk:Luigi's Mansion Massacre/@comment-11079349-20131216044653
I figured this would be about how everyone in the mansion is too young to have died naturally. I have considered the age of so many of the people, and they were all too young to have just died. Reading into this, it means that each of them were killed by something, including the dog. The only two that didn't die by some mysterious murder were the fat guy in the dining room, who ate until he died from it, and the baby, who was born a ghost. Now, as far as this goes, it notes how the family will never get to fix their regrets, and never pass on. Well, it doesn't seem they even care to right wrongs or anything. All Neville wants to do is read for the rest of eternity, all Olivia wants to do is brush her hair for the rest of eternity, and all the children want to do is play games for the rest of eternity. So much for righting wrongs. Another note is that you forgot to mention the twins, who are the children of Neville and Olivia, and the grandchildren of Nana. You also didn't note that you suck up a happy dancing couple, forcing them to forever live their lives without dancing, their one true joy, or even that you suck up a girl that just wants to sleep in peace. Are you saying you just forgot about these people? because that, in my mind, is messed up. So, as a critic, I'd say this is alright in theory. But the first thing I need to say is that this isn't a mindfuck creepypasta. Maybe to those who haven't played the game, but to those who have, you left so many loopholes in your "logic" that it honestly makes a mockery of the game itself. Oh, and while I'm at it, I might add that Elvin Gadd is the true bad guy in this case, yet you make Luigi out to be the enemy, and even then, he only captured the ghosts because they were terrorizing people. Alright, I understand that everyone probably overreacted when the word "ghost" was even mentioned, but he was only trying to help. And what about King Boo? He released all of these ghosts, and I repeat, all of them, simply to protect himself and get revenge on the Mario brothers. What would happen if Luigi didn't come? King Boo probably would have literally eliminated the entire mansion, ending the afterlives of everyone inside, including boolossus. It isn't like he cared about them. ... I am getting way to into this questioning bit. Enough of that, disregard half of that last paragraph, or all of it, if you want. I'm basically nit-picking. Anyway, I'd say this is alright for something that was meant to be on a word document for about an extra day of writing. It's nothing a quick, but large edit can't fix up. And afterwards, I can totally get behind the horrible feeling of sucking up an entire family and turning them into paintings, not that I'd ever actually feel the sorrow myself. Besides, they got out once, so they can get out again at a later point in time. All in all, 6.7/10 is what I'm trying to say. Not bad, but I would work on it more. Last paragraph, I basically just gave you thirty things to improve this. Hell, it could end up being a moral dilemma on the protagonist's part. How can he decide what's right and wrong when so much is wrong? One more note is that the portrait ghosts were all involved in capturing Mario, so they were still the bad guys. Also, if this sounds harsh, or even like I'm getting on your case, I'm basically just trying to help you improve, and also ranting about things that pass through my head when I play the game. nothing more.